From the Mouth of Babes

Let’s talk about dating... Don’t worry if you aren’t in that phase of life, I promise to connect it to something mor universally relevant.

Dating is already so complicated and difficult. Adding any sort of chronic illness takes it up a few levels. I never know how to talk to boys about my feelings let alone my OCD and infertility. When do you bring these things up?

They seem important to bring up before getting serious, but telling a boy you cannot bear his children seems pretty intense when you’ve known them a matter of weeks. So, I spend most of my time in dating running from actually talking. As you may have noticed, I am much better at writing about my experiences than talking about them.

Yesterday, I was driving in the car with my 8 and 10 year old sisters. I was emphatically moaning about a boy who I have a “crush on” *snicker*. I was saying things like “he thinks I’m obsessive and too much,” or “he doesn’t love me and I am just annoying him.” I know... not very growth mindset of me. But then my wise little sisters sprang into action explaining I was just being dramatic and that I am loved. When I dramatically persisted, my 10 year old sister spoke up.

“Zoralei, he doesn’t hate you. He doesn’t think you are too much, are annoying, or are overwhelming. It seems to me you think those things of yourself.”

I was speechless for a second. From the mouth of babes I guess... I quickly realized that she was right. My past relationships, my experiences, my anxiety, my insecurities- they all made me feel comfortable believing that this boy regarded me like trash. But that wasn’t a fair thing for me to place on him.

I was the one who doubted

1. My kindness

2. My thoughtfulness

3. My sociability

I skewed them and changed them to be

1. My overbearing tendencies

2. My obsessiveness

3. My inability to commit

Take a minute to look at those two very different lists. My head thought I was changing the word, but my heart knew I had changed the meaning. I know that God can make our greatest weaknesses into strengths, but man can take our greatest strengths and frame them as weakness.

To round out my day of learning yesterday, I found myself reading in the devotional book Hear Him. In it I was struck by the words, “Christlike love allows us to cherish our own worth enough to see beyond ourselves.” I thought this related perfectly to what my sisters had reminded me of in the car. We talk so much of Charity being the ‘pure love of Christ.’ I always imagined it was something we felt for other people. But I realized when we have charity, we are accepting God’s love for us and then are able to have the peace, confidence, and faith to leave our problems where they are and help lift other people. Humility is vital. But badgering ourselves down is not humility. Instead we must realize our own worth and let God use us as a mirror to help other people see theirs. Humility is the lack of comparison and the acceptance of our infinite worth, not because of our actions, but because of our Divine Parentage.

So, in dating, relationships, or just human interaction as we more fully accept ourselves and recognize our God-given strengths, we will be more successful. This doesn’t mean that this boy will like me back or that my preschool best friend will suddenly call me, but what it does mean is that the relationships that do last will be healthy and strong. I can have the courage to talk about my feelings and experiences with people.

I can do this because I am not an

1. Emotional

2. OCD ridden

3. Infertile woman

I am a

1. Empathetic

2. Colorful

3. Mother of Faith

For I am a woman of great worth who bears other people’s burdens, holds children in my arms, and nurtures God’s word. I trust in His promises that I will be a wife and a literal mother someday. So, what do I have to fear? The answer is simple, man-made lists and expectations. Instead I plan to look for divine blue prints and guidance. I plan to find my confidence and labels nowhere, but in Him.