Try Until you Break

I have been keeping a secret from you. I haven’t posted anything in way too long and that is because I have not been sure how to break the news to you.

Last month, I tried to face my fear. Since I can remember, I have been afraid of skate boarding. This may seem silly, but I am quite clumsy and getting on a skate board seemed to be just asking for a trip to the ER. But a few weeks before I had gotten on a long board around my friends neighborhood (though I spent most of the time scooting around on my butt. Lol) This time we were going to the water front and I was determined to actually try.

So, I tried to longboard. For the first 30 minutes I was doing very badly. I wasn’t sure how to keep the thing rolling and kept stopping and starting. Finally, I was getting the hang of it. My friend decided that we were ready to venture from the waterfront a little. We started to head north, toward the town, when suddenly we were at a hill. I felt confident and started going down it. I quickly picked up speed and realized that I would not be able to turn before hitting the street. I had 1 second to decide what to do.

I tried to get off. My left leg succeeded, my right leg… did not. Suddenly, I was in the splits. It hurt so much. My friend immediately turned around and grabbed his board. I laid down. I couldn’t tell how much my body hurt. Finally, I decided to try to walk and I stood up. My friend then told me that my pants were torn and boy were they… I was confused why he let me starfish on the side of the street, but I appreciated him finally telling me. Now, I was embarrassed twice.

I tried to walk. With each step my right knee fell inward and pain seared through my right hip. I immediately suspected a labral tear, but because I could walk on it (though painful and slow) I was pretty sure nothing was broken. My friend, worried about me, had me sit down on the longboard and he pushed me up the hill toward my car. Thankfully, I had an extra pair of pants in my car. I had my friend turn around and I changed right there.

I tried to drive. Rotation was painful, but as long as I was gentle, I could drive. I, not wanting to look like a wimp, met my friend at his house. It was fun enough, but as I left I got halfway to my car and fell to my knees. I began to crawl toward my car. It took me 10 minutes to walk past three houses.

I tried to figure out what was actually wrong. Nothing showed up on X-ray and it took another two weeks till I had gotten my MRI and got the results. Turns out I had a labral tear and broke my femur at the greater trochanter. I laughed when I found out, only I would get a “broken hip” at 21.

In the end, I tried to face my fears and I reinforced them. Doing things that scare us does not always result in us not being afraid. In some ways I took this experiences as a challenge from the universe to prove that I can longboard without dying. In another way, I never want to get on one again knowing that bad things have always happened when I do. I am not sure what I will do, but I am thankful for the ability to choose. Now you know my secret… as my sister said, “try until you break.” And I’ll add, “then evaluate if its worth trying and breaking again.” Not my usual message, but an important one. Stay wiseJ