"Lord, Please Bless my Babies Birth Mothers..." - A Barren Woman's thoughts on Abortion

Me a couple days after my hysterectomy. Most women get to cradle their baby belly. Instead, I am rubbing the scars that will lead me to my children. I pray their birth mothers will choose to

Social media has made it impossible to escape the controversy on abortion. I am not looking to argue or cause contention, however I do think I offer a unique perspective on this issue and feel it pertinent to share my thoughts to the world. A dear friend recently posted in regard to the “pro-life” group that they (and I am paraphrasing this) “should stay out of it and mind their own business because it doesn’t affect them.” When I read this, I felt like I had been slapped. I realized that this is the only form of death that we respond to with, “it doesn’t effect anyone else.” This is simply not true. Every life on this earth impacts each of us. The loss of a life, even of someone we may never meet on this earth, is devastating. It effects not only the mother and the baby, but the father, grandparents, people that child could have impacted, siblings, and so much more. This took on a new face for me last July when I had a hysterectomy. I had suffered for many years and it was necessary for me to have the surgery. When I read those words on my friend’s Facebook page, I felt tears brim my eyes. I realized that it did affect me. As the potential future mother of children who cannot be supported by their birth families, I feel a great investment in each abortion that takes place. That baby, the one that they decided to abort, may be my child. 

Though in many ways this is a painful topic for me to discuss, seeing the conversation unfold on social media by people who, because they have no stake in the lives of these children, decide it is alright to discard them, tears my heart to pieces. I can hear the voices of children calling to me saying “Mama, please save me." However much I want to take these children into my arms, their chance at life is not my decision to make. It is not even the courts decision to make. It is up to women everywhere to choose to use their gift of being life givers to give women and men like me, the chance to have the families we deserve. God took away that gift from me and called me to love children that are not biologically mine. To be a mother is to be a giver of life. I am called to do that by nurturing the lives and passions of children who God will entrust in me. However, that is dependent on other mothers choosing to give their children the chance of being loved and taken care of even if they cannot do it themselves. I will admit, that reform needs to happen. Too many people would love to adopt if it were affordable and more straightforward. Not every adoption story ends with a perfect family, but I truly believe if both the birth family and the adoption family is trying to include God in their choices, children will be able to find a forever home. Even if the only father they feel connected to is their Heavenly One.

Now, I really hate the term pro-choice, just as I despise the label pro-life. Those who disapprove of abortion are often people who really believe in the freedom of choice and because of that agency, we have an obligation to make the right ones. People who support abortion rights, do support life and believe that mothers and babies alike deserve to have the best life they can. We are not so different; the main issue comes in how we define a “body” and “life”. Those supporting abortion claim that if a baby is in a mother, it is apart of her body and its life does not begin until it is removed from the mother. Those who advocate against abortion believe that life begins in the womb and that the baby should be treated as an individual with rights. They support the idea of choice; however, they assert that the choices should be made before conception and are not limited between abstinence and abortion. Now, I truly believe in the agency of man and that people are allowed to make their own decisions, but that does not mean that the consequences for those actions should not be realized. It also does not mean that every option has to be available. What it does mean is that we can choose between the opportunities which are available to us and we are responsible for whatever comes of that choice.

Though there are many ways to prevent pregnancy without taking away the life and agency of a helpless fetus, some women have the choice made for them. There are instances of rape or birth control failure that can result in a lack of autonomy for the mother. As a teenager, my grandmother was date raped by a man whom she trusted. She got pregnant. She found out it was twins. Her parents withdrew some support from her. And despite all the opposition, she decided to keep the babies. My mother was her first child and only a few minutes later another beautiful daughter was born. Suddenly, this underprepared teenager was a steward over two baby girls. My mother will be the first to tell you she did not grow up in ideal circumstances. Drinking, drugs, abuse, rape, and many other things were all too familiar within her family. However, because my grandmother chose to allow those daughters a chance at life, I am here today. My mother has 3 mothers. Her biological mother, her stepmother, and her foster mother. She loves each of them. She taught us to honor them. Though her upbringing may not have bee perfect, she learned a lot from these women. In truth, those early years were just a fraction of her life. Because of one woman’s choice not to abort, the sick have been tended to, the hungry fed, stories have been written, paintings painted, the broken bore up, children taught, the elderly comforted, the dead honored, all because my mother was born. She has been a mother to 7 children, each one following her example to impact this world. So yes, an abortion effects more than just the mother. Generations are impacted by a single choice.

My heart bleeds for each woman faced with the scariest of choices, to be responsible for someone else’s life. I ache for those who feel alone and abandoned, paralyzed by uncertainty. I want to hug every woman victim to rape. I also want to be able to shield each child who is subjected to an abortion. I want to tell each baby conceived in these unideal situations that they are loved and can make an impact greater than any of us could know. I want to comfort each father who has to sit quietly by while their child is taken too soon from this world. I feel the pain of each barren woman and sterile man who desperately want the child that another so carelessly would take the life of.

And though the contention on social media is devastating to me, I thank the Lord that it has helped turn my mind toward my future children. To honor their birth mothers and prepare to hold them a little closer, as it is more and more apparent the world does not value their life like I do. The night I read someone foolishly telling me that someone else’s abortion did not affect me, I got on my knees and I fervently prayed for something I continue to plead for today. I uttered, “Lord, bless the birth mothers of my children. Bless them with your peace that they will know their children are already unconditionally loved by me. That their biological children already have a mother who is willing and ready to sacrifice everything for them. Give these women the strength to disregard the ease of ending it and make the harder choice to give my baby life.” Amen.